Lots of Guys Feel Guilty About Watching Porn. But Is It Really Bad for You?

It’s not a stretch to say that men today have a complicated relationship with porn.

Thanks to the advent of streaming tube sites for porn, high-quality porn videos are more accessible than they’ve ever been before.

Yet with this easy availability has come backlash — arguments for the restriction or even broad banning of porn, movements celebrating abstention from masturbation, and anxieties echoing those put forth by sex-negative second-wave feminists in the 20th century that watching porn is bad for you, and possibly even bad for society.

So which is it? Is porn an endless, freely available, erotic bounty, a horrible influence that’s negatively warping our society, or some other, secret third thing? In short, is porn bad for you, yes, or no?

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In order to get a better sense of the impacts of porn, positive and or negative, AskMen spoke to a handful of sex experts. Here’s what they had to say:

Is Watching Porn Bad for You?

According to the experts, porn generally is OK to watch — in fact, it may even be a good idea.

“Watching porn is not inherently bad,” says Jess O’Reilly. “There are a range of potential benefits related to watching porn, including positive outcomes, and the data supports this.”

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Those benefits, O’Reilly says, include things like improvements in the areas of “desire, communication, connection, pleasure, sexual function and more.”

“Porn is beneficial when people use it to explore their desires, learn about their identity, understand the range of bodies that exist, and connect with their partner (by watching it with them or gaining inspiration from it for their partnered sex life),” says Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for Fleshy.

In addition to positive impacts for single people, it can also help people in relationships, according to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, scientific advisor at Arcwave.

“Research finds that couples who use porn together tend to be more sexually satisfied and are more likely to report keeping passion alive in their relationship,” he says. “Porn is one of many ways that some couples introduce novelty into their relationship. Porn can also be a way for people to explore their sexual fantasies, as well as a sexual outlet when one partner wants to have sex but the other does not.”

So, despite what you may have heard, yes, watching porn can be good for you — in a variety of different ways. But, unfortunately, that’s not the whole story.

“Of course, this doesn’t mean that porn is not associated with negative outcomes,” says O’Reilly. “For example, in the absence of comprehensive sex education that includes discussions of pleasure, we know that people turn to porn as a source of education.”

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“This can certainly produce negative outcomes,” she explains, “as porn is not designed for the purpose of education and does not generally reflect real sexual experiences. It follows that you may draw inaccurate conclusions and internalize unrealistic expectations that can lead to performance pressure and more.”

As well, says Weiss, “Porn is bad for people when it disrupts their sex life with their partner or otherwise interferes with their life.”

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“Some people use porn as a way to withdraw from a real-life partner due to insecurity or fear of intimacy,” she explains. “Interventions such as emotionally focused couples’ therapy can help these people, as there is often a deeper issue related to someone’s relationship patterns.”

Finally, it’s also worth noting that watching porn can produce unpleasant emotional reactions if you have pre-existing anti-porn or otherwise sex-negative beliefs.

“If you believe that porn use is problematic, you may face more negative consequences including shame, frustration, anxiety, performance issues and distress,” says O’Reilly.

When Porn-Watching May Be a Bad Idea

While watching porn may broadly be fine, there are some cases where it may enter into more troublesome territory. That’s in part because, well, not all porn is the same, and not all people watch it the same way.

“The type of porn you watch may affect outcomes,” says O’Reilly. “If you only watch one type of porn (and don’t have other sources of sex education), it may be limiting.”

“There are some contexts in which watching porn can be problematic,” Lehmiller agrees. “This can include consuming or sharing any kind of non-consensual or illegal content, such as revenge porn.”

Even when they’re consensual and within legal boundaries, porn storylines also often explore taboo ideas. If you find yourself watching a lot of porn whose plots run counter to your own moral compass, that may produce a sense of internal conflict.

As well, it’s important to consider your own susceptibility to porn. If you’re a minor or a younger guy without much sexual experience, porn may be forming the bulk of your erotic experiences before you’ve had a chance to explore with other people.

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“Too many kids turn to porn to learn about sex because no one is teaching them what they need to know — and, as a result, they sometimes get warped ideas about what sex is supposed to be or look like,” says Lehmiller.

For instance, while behind the scenes, porn actors do extensive work to ensure that the sets are safe from STI- and consent-based perspectives, among others, none of these conversations are shown in the final clip.

This means that young people watching porn that depicts rough sex, for instance, may not understand that this kind of behavior is not OK unless it’s preceded by extensive negotiation and followed by aftercare.

“It’s OK to be aroused by rough sex, but in real life, you need more than just the sex act itself — you also need open communication, care, respect, understanding, and safety to enjoy all sex acts, including rough sex,” says O’Reilly.

Regardless of the content of the porn you’re watching, the amount you’re consuming may be a factor.

“Porn can also be problematic when it is consumed compulsively, where the behavior feels completely out of control,” says Lehmiller. “This is often the result of an underlying mood or other disorder, with problematic porn use being the symptom.”

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Or, you may notice that your porn habits are having an impact on your real-life sex.

“If you find that you only enjoy sex when you’re watching porn, it could be problematic, but the outcomes will be contextual,” says O’Reilly. “Do you want to have sex without porn? If you’re fine making porn a regular part of your routine, perhaps it will work for you. And just as you can condition yourself to become aroused watching porn, you can also condition yourself to enjoy other sources of arousal.”

“If you have a partner who doesn’t want you watching porn, for example, it could lead to conflict,” says O’Reilly. “However, porn isn’t inherently to blame in all cases — it may be incompatibility of values.”

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Ultimately, exposure to porn before you’re genuinely ready to watch it can definitely have a negative impact on your sexual self.

“Youth need to be taught to look at porn critically before they have access to it,” Weiss says. “It’s helpful to pay attention to how you feel while you’re watching porn and during sex with your partner. If you find yourself less able to get turned on by your partner or if you find yourself comparing your partner to porn stars and finding they fall short, this could be a sign that the porn is negatively impacting you.”

Why Porn Can Sometimes Feel Bad

Just because you’re feeling negative emotions about your porn watching doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong or that the shame is warranted. Often, it’s a case of feeling sexual over perfectly normal and even healthy behaviors.

“Some people feel bad after using porn, and this is often due to moral incongruence,” says Lehmiller. “That is, they feel morally conflicted about their sexual behavior, which leads to feelings of sexual shame and guilt.”

“One reason is that they have received negative messages about porn or masturbation and they are feeling shame as a result,” says Weiss.

“In a world that shrouds sex in shame and vilifies erotica, it makes sense that we come to associate enjoying porn (and sexual pleasure more generally) with negative emotions,” says O’Reilly. “If you receive dominant messages indicating that porn is inherently bad, shameful or harmful, it follows that you’ll feel badly after (or while) watching it.”

“This shame will not go away overnight, so it can be helpful to talk to a therapist about it,” says Weiss.

RELATED: Benefits From Therapy That Change the Way You Live Life

“There also may be something about the porn that you don’t like,” Weiss notes. “Maybe you sense the actors don’t seem happy to be there, or you don’t know if they’ve been treated fairly.”

“It may be valuable to consider the type of porn you’re consuming,” says O’Reilly. “Ethical porn, for example, prioritizes the emotional, physical and financial well-being of the performers; oftentimes with (true) ethical porn, the performers are involved in producing and owning their own work.”

“Ethical porn may, for example, may depict more varied, nuanced and realistic scenarios, interactions, bodies and sexual activities, which may lead to an expansion of your sexual horizons and inspirations.”

If that’s the case, Weiss and O’Reilly recommend porn producers like:

How to Deal With Negative Feelings About Porn

If you’ve noticed that you feel negative emotions about watching porn, that could be a sign that something needs to change, whether it’s how much porn you watch, the context in which you watch it, what kind of porn you watch, or simply how you feel about porn generally.

“If watching porn doesn’t feel good for you, you don’t have to watch it,” says O’Reilly. “If you want to watch it and feel better about it, consider the note above about ethical porn. Perhaps it’s not about the content itself, but the ethics of the production.”

RELATED: How to Stop Watching Porn

“You may also want to reframe how you think about porn and challenge some of your ingrained beliefs — only if you want to, of course,” says O’Reilly. “You always have the option to not watch porn. You may ask yourself:

• What do I enjoy about porn? What are the benefits?
• What holds me back from fully enjoying myself?
• Why do I believe that watching porn is bad? Where am I getting this info? Is it accurate?
• What do I want to do to change the way I watch porn?”

“Porn use usually feels bad when it’s something you feel out of control of. If you feel you are compulsively using porn — that is, you don’t want to but you keep doing it as a means of distraction or escape — seek professional help,” says Weiss. “Reflect on what you’d like your relationship with porn to look like and what you want to get out of it. If you are in the driver’s seat, making a deliberate decision, it will likely feel more positive.”

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“Maybe it is influencing how you see your partner, your sex life, or your own body in a negative way,” she says.

“For people who experience this, it is often helpful to speak with a certified sex therapist who can help them to work through this,” says Lehmiller. “Ideally, see an AASECT-certified therapist.”

However, Lehmiller notes, the field isn’t exclusively populated by people operated in good faith.

“I’d be very careful around advertised ‘porn addiction’ treatments, however, because research shows that they often do more harm than good,” he explains. “‘Porn addiction’ isn’t a recognized medical diagnosis, either.”

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