If there’s a topic that makes Vera Blossom skittish, I haven’t found it yet. Writing in the pages of Rewire News Group, our sex columnist has been game to probe everything from the curative powers of masturbation to the mating habits of Gen Z. She’s even pondered how to protect your heart (and genitals) in a situationship.

Casting an anthropological lens on her subjects, Blossom, 29, explores the sex questions you were probably too afraid to ask in school. She challenges the common wisdom, shares her friends’ secrets, confides in readers, and cites the science—essential in an era when health misinformation emanates from the highest ranks of power.

The Chicago-based columnist spoke with me—her editor—about family acceptance, the joy of creating her own gender, and what makes a person good at sex.

This conversation has been condensed and edited for clarity. Do you have a question for Vera? Email us at [email protected] or message us online!

You are a published author (of the sex-centric memoir How to Fuck Like a Girl), but writing a sex column is new to you. What’s your favorite thing about this work?

What’s really fun about doing this sex column is that I still am learning so much. I really don’t have a lot of the answers. I think what I have are a lot of questions. My job is asking questions and having new questions to ask about sex. Every time I write something for Rewire, I learn more about how the body works, how we relate to each other, how the mind works, and new science about sex. It’s very, very fascinating.

People must assume, when they’re talking to you or dating you, that they could end up written about in our pages. How do you balance privacy for yourself and the people in your life, with transparency and accuracy for readers?

I’ve almost found that people are more forthcoming, which is actually really great, because my goal is to really create more of a safe space to have these conversations about things that I think are considered taboo or more sensitive. … I think they [feel they] can trust me, because I’ve been vulnerable in public about my own sex life and my own love life, and these questions I’m working through all the time.

I really value that trust. So when it comes to writing about these conversations, I try not to give too many details about someone’s life so they could be easily doxxed. And I try to center these conversations or experiences in real life around me and what I’m going through … rather than projecting onto them.

What’s your favorite column you’ve written for us so far?

The BDSM guide to consensual erotic violence. That was a real challenge to write, and I really learned a lot. I talked to different therapists, different dommes. I read a lot of articles, and it was such a beast of a question that I was trying to answer, which is: How [do you] get into BDSM for the first time?

I thought that it was just so interesting, all the intersections between what we consider to be “socially deviant,” neurodivergency, these taboo topics, and how this specific area of sex can be very healing and therapeutic for people who live in the margins.

What do your parents think of your work?

My family really adores my work. My immediate family was very open about their feelings and about their dating life. I come from a lineage of party animals and bisexuals, so I think they really love my work.

There have been times when my mom has attended a reading and I’m like, “I’m sorry, I’m going to be talking about my relationship, my therapist, and, like, porn stars.” But they’re very supportive, which I really, really appreciate—especially in this climate.

Does being a sex columnist mean you’re really good at sex?

I don’t think it means that you’re really good at sex, but I’m good at sex.

I think things that make you a good sex columnist can make you good at sex—being present and perceptive and communicative are all great qualities in terms of having sex. And I really put myself on the front lines trying to experience these things.

Based on the topics that you tackle in your columns, people might think that you have a pretty swinging lifestyle. So how cool are you?

Cool is not something that I identify with or that I strive towards. My ideals in life are: I really like having fun, I really like meeting people, and I kind of like being a clown. I like getting laughs out of people. I like being entertaining, and I think I frequently feel more like a dweeb than cool.

On a scale of one to ten, how Carrie Bradshaw are you?

I think I’m probably somewhere between a Charlotte and a Samantha, frankly. I’m pretty equal parts delusional and romantic about my love life, and also pretty blunt and straightforward about the kind of sex I want to have.

… But obviously, I’m a sex writer with a lot of questions, so maybe seven. I’m a seven out of ten [as Carrie].

Beyond being a sex writer, you’re also a trans woman living in a time when the government is actively rolling back all the progress of the past few decades. What do you tell yourself to get through the hard days?

It’s really hard these days, and I really believe that there is still a future worth fighting for. And I really feel like I’m fighting for that future every day through whatever direct action I can take, in terms of donating money, volunteering, mutual aid, and showing up for my friends—and through being honest about my life and through talking about sex. Because I think that one of the many weapons of this current fascist entity is shame and polarization. [They’re] trying to turn trans people into monsters.

And I really feel like being myself, being kind to others, showing love wherever I can, does make a difference. Because when other people have shown that to me, it’s made a huge difference. The kindness that I felt from others has saved my life. And I feel like I have a responsibility to the people in this country—not just the trans people, but everyone—to fight for a better world.

So even when it gets really, really hard, and I get overwhelmed, and I have to cry it out, ultimately, I come back around to thinking that it’s all worth it.

There’s so much disinformation—intentionally false information being wielded as a weapon—in this rollback of rights. It hinges on demonizing people in ways that are totally untrue and distorting science to be able to back that up. Part of our job at Rewire is to counter that.

Yeah, I think that’s a good way to put it. I think I’m really correcting the narrative.

The beginning of my writing career … was really informed by the kind of mid-2010s transgender tipping point, and this easy narrative that became mainstream about, like, Every trans person is just born in the wrong body. It was, you know, There’s gender and there’s sexuality, and they’re different. It was like this really clean, sanitized narrative.

I wanted to complicate that narrative and also just be like, I’m human, you know, I’m just like you. I have a lot of the same questions, and I have a lot of the same experiences.

My transness actually has brought me a lot of joy—the joy of building my gender like this ongoing art project … It’s been the greatest joy of my life … I really feel like I’m just having a lot of fun. And I think that, along with the other work we do journalistically to set the information straight, that is important, I think, to create that narrative.

That’s What She Said: Vera Blossom

Best sex shop: The Pleasure Chest in Wicker Park has a huge collection of goodies. The folks at Early2Bed in Andersonville are really helpful and friendly.

Best date restaurant: For a first date, somewhere you both haven’t tried yet so that you can immediately have a shared experience on equal footing. A cheap, delicious hole-in-the-wall restaurant is the sexiest place to take someone you already know. Try Pho 888 and Tesfa in Uptown.

Favorite pastime: Dancing into the wee hours of the night at one of the city’s roving raves with hard techno music playing in the winter or laying around by the lake all day with friends in the summer.

Favorite RNG story that you didn’t write: How Minneapolis Fought ICE With Dildos, by Hallie Lieberman.

Pick-up line that never fails: “I just thought you seemed really cool and I wanted to say, ‘hi.’”

Best dating advice you ever got or gave: Be as honest as possible as frequently as possible. And chill out.