This is a rush transcript of “Gutfeld” on January 25, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: You just want me to fail. Everybody here wants me to fail. Every — keep clapping. You’re nothing without me. Happy Tuesday, everyone. But is it really happy? Not when it’s day two of –
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Joe Biden Sonofabitchhateagedoninsurrection.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, it was just 24 hours ago, the world was rocked by an insidious, foul-mouthed display of incoherent rage. It was the slander and chief lashing out at our very own Peter Doocy, who was simply gathering information for a school book reports.
PETER DOOCY, FOX NEWS WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: Do you think inflation is a political liability ahead of the midterms?
JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: That’s a great asset. More inflation. What a stupid son of a bitch.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh. In case you missed it, let’s do it again. Slow-mo.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BIDEN: You stupid son a bitch.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: The original SOB, salty old Biden strikes again. Of course, the target of his wrath was the one reporter who asked questions Joe can answer on autopilot. Fox News’ Peter Doocy. Or as we like to say, our very own, like we raised him in a plastic bubble. We took a clipping from Steve Doocy then let Miracle Gro do the rest. Doocy known for his hair and his lengthy rap sheet, was noticeably shaken up.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DOOCY: Somebody came up to me in the briefing room a few minutes later and said,did you hear what the President said? And I said no, what? They said, he called you a stupid SOB. And I said, did he say SOB and the person said no.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Well, maybe he’s not that shaken up. Doocy who just turned 16 last week, his home recuperating spending most of his time in his bedroom, playing video games, smoking blunts, and texting Kilmeade about the hot new girl in homeroom. That since this event, the so-called president has called Mr. Doocy to clear the air, which when talking about Joe usually involves opening a window and the use of at least 75 glade plugins.
Apparently was a perfect phone call. Although odds are good, Joe was still talking 10 minutes after Peter hung up. But what a pair, reporter who’s never shaved and a president you wouldn’t let near anything sharp. But I say why bother? This is the best thing President Biden has ever done since — in fact, it’s the best thing Joe Biden has ever done. It’s definitely the most honest thing to come out of his — come out of him since he crop dusted Camilla Bowles with the air biscuit heard round the world.
It’s better than beating corn pop and breakdancing up the stairs to Air Force One combined. Because when Biden called Doocy an SOB, what did he do? He reminded you of the good old days, when the only problems we had were verbal. Yes, let’s take a walk down memory lane or insult avenue if you will to the glorious days of old where the only things hurled through the air were words and not Russian missiles pointed at Kiev.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: You’re not a very good reporter doing that. Crooked Hillary Clinton. Here I am. I’m lying Ted Cruz to the fake Pocahontas I warned about. Sleepy Joe Biden. Crazy Bernie. Don’t worry about it a little Marco. Little pencil neck Adam Schiff.
(CROSSTALK)
I know you’re trying to build up your energy, Jeb, but it’s not working very well.With Jeb’s attitude, we will never be great again, that I can tell you. I love babies. Actually, I was only kidding. You can get the baby out of here. This really stupid guy, Chuck Todd. Get that son of a bitch off the field right now. Out, he’s fired. Fired!
Honestly, I think you should let me run the country, you run CNN.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right.
TRUMP: And if you did it well, your ratings —
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Let me ask —
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Those were the days when the only stress we felt were from Trump’s relentless, full throated insults. It was like we had Don Rickles as president. His rallies weren’t so much rallies as they were roasts. The only thing missing was Dean Martin and Foster Brooks. And it reminded you that it was not just a problem. It was really the only problem. Now besides that rash I got into loom.
But there was no inflation, no high crime unless you count the coddled left-wing mascots, Antifa and BLM, no foreign policy disasters, no education implosion, no attacks on parents. No dividing America to us versus them based on vaccinations, race or pronouns. All we had were mean tweets and some hilarious insults. So what would you rather be doing? Paying seven bucks a gallon for gas or listening to Trump called Bette Midler a washed up psycho?
Would you rather havebare supermarket shelves? Or have your president say of kneeling NFL players,get those SOBs off that field? You are free to get mad or laugh it off? Well, unless you were Rosie O’Donnell. You see, I want more of that and less of the other real problems. I mean, what if Joe just got more Trumpian and less, you know, well, Bideny. I wonder what Joe has to say.
TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, what I say — what I say is stupid son of a bitch. That’s an expression. It’s an expression. I say it all the time. I don’t mean anything by it. I said it to my cream of wheat this morning. Because she burned my tongue as it is stupid son of a — then I apologized. I leaned over the bowl and I like to let the steam come up and I smell it, it’s very nice. So, I said, Oh, my sweet Farina. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say such a thing.
That’s what I call her on a good day. My sweet Farina. On a bad day I call her a punk ass (BLEEP) pony soldier.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: It illustrates what so many people in the media and entertainment got so wrong about Trump. Their derangement made them think that his words were his deeds. So they taught us that a guy who did pretty good stuff, but with a cab drivers mouth, replacing him with a supposedly genial but declining mindless mess. Turns out the new guy is about as genial as a scorpion with jock rot.
What I wouldn’t give for the cab driver. Instead, we got grandpa Simpson driving us off a cliff. Meanwhile, the same idiots who castigated Trump for calling journalists names are now heaping praise or at least excusing Joe for the very same thing. It shows Joe’s tough, he’s got backbone, even though it’s crumbling from osteoporosis. Putin so scared he might even put a shirt on.
So the press either has the memory of a goldfish, or just biased A-holes. My apologies to literal A-holes. So in one brief moment, Joe reminded us what we had and what we lost. And now what we are stuck with. But also the President sets the tone. And sadly, it’s contagious.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, Queen, I just want to let you know that on Instagram, all your photos of Percy are so cute.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Thank you.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. Give that little stupid son of a bitcha scratch for me. OK? Stupid son of a bitch.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How are you doing (INAUDIBLE)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, Jesse, congratulations on the new show. The ratings.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Thank you.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you surprised they gave it to me?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That’s a stupid question. Of course. I’m surprised you’re a brain dead son of a bitch. It’s not personal, pal.
Hey, Judge, you know what? What’s not? What’s not?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Good choice. You know, I mentioned before, that the great Comedian Jim Gaffigan said he’d vote for Joe Biden’s corpse over Donald Trump. Which is funny because he already did. The only thing left is the cremation in November. And it serves is this one selfish example of those who crusaded Trump out of office. They wanted their emotional damage reduced. Even if a man electing someone who would usher in real damage be a domestic or international.
Sure they didn’t have to endure the tweets or the barbs and that helped them get to sleep. But in this trade off our actual physical lives are remarkably worse. Whether it’s rampant criminality, kids forced to wear unnecessary masks, or a possible hot war now with Russia. And so they sacrificed everything to get rid of the orange man who made them feel bad. Even though his greatest real estate deal was living rent free in their heads.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. He’s made more liberals cry than the finale of the West Wing. Former White House Press Secretary and Fox News Contributor Ari Fleischer. He is like Peter Pan, he doesn’t age and will never marry a woman. Host of TheGuy Benson Show and Fox News Contributor Guy Benson. She is proof that if you can’t say something nice, you can get a job on T.V. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf.
And when he wears a green shirt in Boston, they think he’s Fenway Park. My massive sidekick and the NWA World Television Champion, Tyrus.
Guy, you’re a filthy, filthy little, little man. Aren’t you? Just filthy.
GUY BENSON, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Greg.
GUTFELD: I need to get you a bath.
BENSON: You stupid son of a bitch, Greg. Three things to say on this.
GUTFELD: Sure.
BENSON: In my defense number one, it was a hot mic.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: OK? I forgot that I was mic’dup. I forgot there was a camera every time with all four of them.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: That’s number one. Number two.Yes, I may have cursed a bit. Last time I was on the show in December I believe, we did a whole segment on cursing. I declined to curse but I promised that I would next time.
GUTFELD: And you did.
BENSON: I have paid that off in spades if I cursed anymore on T.V. I’d be Dana Perino.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: And finally, I feel like we have had our differences through the years.
GUTFELD: Right.
BENSON: But I hope you’re OK with how that sketch went. Because I feel like that might be the closest I’ll ever get to being on “THE FIVE.” After how that all went down. So, sorry, everyone. Love you, Dana. Love you, judge especially.
GUTFELD: Yes. Isn’t it — isn’t it a contrast between how we handle things and how CNN does? Like if somebody went — when Trump would go after their people, they would be like, oh, my God, it’s the end of the world. And all we do is make fun of Doocy.
BENSON: Well, I saw a guy on Twitter said that, if that had been Acosta and Trump exactly what happened Acosta would have shown up on CNN within a minute in a neck brace.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: I’ve been — I’ve been harmed. And Doocy played it perfectly blown it off.
GUTFELD: Yes. He was very funny. He said that it hadn’t been fact-checked yet. That was very clever.
BENSON: It’s good.
GUTFELD: All right. Did any — anything like this ever happen with your boss, President Bush? I’m trying to remember Hot Mic moments. I don’t know. I’m not sure.
ARI FLEISCHER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, it did.
GUTFELD: Oh, yes, yes.
FLEISCHER: First of all, Acosta would have shown up with a neck brace. But he’d been represented by Michael Avenatti. Nice.
GUTFELD: It’s good.
FLEISCHER: It did. In the 2000 campaign when Bush ran for president he was at a mic and he referred to a reporter for the New York Times named Adam Clymer as a major league began with A, two little curly letters and then rhymed with troll.
GUTFELD: Right, right.
FLEISCHER: Which stick Cheney when he heard that said, big time.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: And that became a thing.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: But the difference was and you showed it with the Trump tape. For Bush, it fitthe personality which was always a guy could throw elbows under the board. Snap a towel at you, people knew that was kind of Bush in character. But Joe Biden is just weird.
GUTFELD: Yes. It’s cranky.
FLEISCHER: Biden saying that’s because what you pointed out, he’s supposed to be this kind of older congenial man. And then he says something like that. It worked for Trump. It worked for Bush, even though was inadvertent for bush. It’s definitely advertent or whatever the opposite of —
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Yes. Good point. What’s the opposite of inadvertent? Advertent?
FLEISCHER: It worked for Trump. Yes, being advertent.
GUTFELD: Yes, it did.I love that word. Advertent. That’s a great one. I’m going to start throwing that around in my meetings. You know, Tyrus, the only time I got caught on a hot mic was when I hosted the Chippendales. Happened in like —
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Welcome back.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Happened in the green room.
FLEISCHER: You were good by the way.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: He creeped me out last night. And then he just keeps raising the bar. I got angry. Oh, women sending me mean message. You wish you had it so good. So thank you, Greg. You know, I kind of super impressed with our very own Doocy because he clearly doesn’t care about money.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: He actually cares about being a journalist. Because, yes, Acosta would have had the (INAUDIBLE) but you’re forgetting the six books that were going to come out about that experience.
GUTFELD: Right.
TYRUS: Literally, he got our own T.V. show based on President Trump hurt my feelings. And his book was literally just every word he said. And then you would see him that if he would do interviews anymore, he’s like, I’m standing outside the rally. And these four people called me names.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: And he was the story. And I commend Doocy for not becoming the story, when everyone’s kind of like, hey, how did that feel? He’s like, I didn’t hear it. You know, I just moved through it. And he called me he said, sorry, no, you know, nothing personal. And he laughed it off, which is being — and maybe CNN can take a lesson, but I doubt it. He’s being a journalist. So all the things that could happen for that, I applaud our very own Doocy for being staying the journalist.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: And I commend him for that.
GUTFELD: You know, I’ll go to our very own Kat Timpf.
TIMPF: I don’t belong to anyone.
GUTFELD: You’re the homeless.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: The homeless Kat Timpf. What did you make of this whole thing? It’s so silly, but it’s great. It’s — you know what I like about this topic? It’s fun.
TIMPF: It is fun. But you know what else was fun?
GUTFELD: What?
TIMPF: Was reading all the columns today or at least the titles of them like, you know, Joe Biden shouldn’t have said that, but here’s actually why it’s not a big deal.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: It’s like, OK, who are you writing these verses? Because the column like that, you have to be writing it versus someone. You have to be assuming there’s someone saying that that is a huge deal. But nobody said that. And then watching Stelter last night, he tried to be like, I’m Mr. Consistent. He was like, Listen, I’m not going to be like those other guys. I’m going to actually say like, it was wrong. OK?Because so I’m getting — but when, you know, Trump said that about Chuck Todd, he said it was a threat to our free press. So say something’s kind of wrong.
And then a threat to the Free Press aren’t exactly consistent. Then he also said, you know, we’d be milking it all day, which can — we’ve been joking around. Both Peter and his dad work here. And they’re both like yes.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.
TYRUS: Peter’s mom took it very well. I mean, she’s the victim in all of this.
GUTFELD: By the way, no –there — where’s the journalist interviewing his mom?
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Because usually when someone —
(CROSSTALK)
TIMPF: — referring to his dad.
TYRUS: Well, in my neighborhood if you call me a son of a bitch it’s go time because no one talks about my mama.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: You know what I’m saying, so, let’s just take a moment of silence for her.
GUTFELD: Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
FLEISCHER: — have insider information, they know what they’re talking about if they say it.
GUTFELD: Yes.You know that Jimmy Kimmel called Doocy last night a– also a dumb son of a B. And that was a direct lift from what Jessie Watters said. He just stole Watters’ joke which is so pathetic.
TIMPF: t also just sucks that everyone who calls me names, none of them are famous.
GUTFELD: No, that’ll happen one day, one day.
TIMPF: (BLEEP) because you’re so famous.
GUTFELD: I am famous.
(CROSSTALK)
FLEISCHER: You got to put the word s Major League.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: One of that.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s right. That’s right. I’m not really that good at name calling. You know that? I should get better at it.
TYRUS: No, you’re more like a structured paragraph insulter.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
TYRUS: You have to —
TIMPF: You’re all digital.
TYRUS: Yes. It’s not just — it’s a whole he tells you why.
GUTFELD: They’ll stop it.
TYRUS: You know —
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Oh, shut up.
TYRUS: Yes. Scathing e-mail.
GUTFELD: Shut up both of you. Go to your rooms. Go to your rooms. Up next. Neil —
TIMPF: (INAUDIBLE)
GUTFELD: Neil Young raises his voice and forces Spotify to make a choice.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Share Spotify with Joe Rogan, Neil Young says hell no, Dan. Yes, thank you. Yes, his songs used to be groovy. But now he wants them removed.
TYRUS: OK.
GUTFELD: True. He used to have a heart of gold but now he sounds cranky and old. That one worked. Neil Young says he wants his music pulled off Spotify because the company is providing a platform for Joe Rogan. That’s the Rock and Roll spirit. In an open letter — who does that? To his managers in record label, I do not, probably written with a quill pen. The 184-year-old rocker wrote “I am doing this because Spotify is spreading fake information about vaccines.”
What is this — what is his accent? Potentially causing death to those who believe that this information being spread by them. I want you to let Spotify know immediately today that I want all my music off their platform. They can have Rogan or Young, not both. Maybe it’s me, but that’s an easy choice. Rogan of course has become a target during the pandemic for his views of the vaccine and how he treated his own COVID diagnosis.
Of course, Neil Young was in a band with David Crosby, who free based every drug that wasn’t Ivermectin. And it’s out the first time Young is wind to Spotify. In 2019 he removed most of his songs from the platform, claiming their sound quality wasn’t good enough. But were ultimately relenting and letting them carry his music. So maybe it wasn’t Spotify’s his fault. Maybe the songs aren’t that good.
Let’s have a quick refresher of Young’s biggest hit.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That was pretty good actually. Kat, what happened to the radical artists? Now they’re not distinguishable from the man, you have people like Whoopie and Neil Young and Whoopie? I only got two examples. I’m leaving one out.
TIMPF: Yes, you need to use three or no one — you don’t have a point.
GUTFELD: I know.
TIMPF: Everybody knows that.
GUTFELD: Springsteen?
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: There you go. I would — I’m not sure.
TIMPF: But with Neil Young particularly I’m just confused like, who does he think his fans are?
GUTFELD: Right.
TIMPF: Like I don’t think it’s like, you know, purple haired socialists like bump in Buffalo Springfield. I don’t think that — like every Neil Young fan that I know has like at least seven guts.
GUTFELD: Right.
TIMPF: But again, it’s open letter. It’s not — oh, everyone can read this and open letters, everyone, please read this. Look at me.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: So if you ever have an — in general, there might be exceptions. If you ever — there’s an open letter, I’m going to be like, nah, I’d already know if I should not.
GUTFELD: He paints people into a corner because you’re doing it publicly, as opposed to a private letter, Tyrus. Neil Young is now like Mr. Roper. He’s like —
TYRUS: Oh, yes. Well, you know what happened to Mr. Roper. We got Mr. Furley. So, you know what?
GUTFELD: That’s right.
TYRUS: I hope they have an open response that says fine.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Because I can’t remember the last time I was like, online going where’s my Neil Young fix? Where’s Neil? Where’s Neil Young? Rogan has become an American institution. So yes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Yes. That’s like me saying walking into Fox tomorrow and going, listen, one of the Murdoch’s got to go, OK? Rupert’s gone. It’s Tyrus time? All wait while he clears out his stuff.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes, yes.
TYRUS: How do you think — and I’m going to do it in an open state.
FLEISCHER: You would win. Please don’t do it.
TYRUS: There’ll be a closed door behind me if the locks change. And my relationship with security would significantly changed.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: So, you know.
GUTFELD: Yes. They won’t be high-fiving you or fist-bumping.
TYRUS: No, they’ll say I miss you.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Don’t call me.
GUTFELD: Yes. Ari, I think you grew up in the 70s. Isn’t Neil Young really a poor man’s Gordon Lightfoot?
FLEISCHER: Oh, that’s very mean to Gordon Lightfoot.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: Think about this. When you’re a rock and roll or you’re soul, kind of supposed to be open minded, you know, free thinking and here he is being a scold and telling people off the air.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: What has happened to all of us? What is going on with — you know, a part of it is the pandemic, everybody is so fed up, but it’s this – – it’s this — I hate to use these words, but it’s the whole woke everything. If you don’t agree with me, if you say what you say, you don’t have a right to say it in anymore. And I used to admire the old ACLU.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: They stood up for actual pure speech. Nobody said because I disagree with you I’m taking you off the air. Neil Young, that’s what he want.
GUTFELD: They need. Like somebody has to start an organization called the new ACLU. Right? N-A-C-L-U, NACLU, right? You’re not even listening.
TIMPF: I am. You said New ACLU. NACLU.
GUTFELD: NACLU. By the way —
TYRUS: Very advertent of you.
GUTFELD: That was a — yes. You know — you know who went to my high school graduation?
BENSON: I have no idea.
GUTFELD: Well, what’s this topic about?
TYRUS: Neil.
GUTFELD: Neil Young came to my high school graduation.
BENSON: Neil Young was there?
GUTFELD: Yes. Because he was married to my friend’s sister. And he showed up and he was at my high school graduation.
BENSON: What year was that?
TIMPF: Is that why we’re doing the segment?
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: Did he say something mean to you?
GUTFELD: No.
BENSON: Were you’ve been harboring a grudge for decades?
GUTFELD: It’s 1983 I believe.
BENSON: Your moment has arrived to get him.
GUTFELD: I don’t know anymore. I guess I ran out of questions.
FLEISCHER: Did he try to take you off the air?
GUTFELD: No, he didn’t. He was very polite.
BENSON: Not yet. Not yet.
(CROSSTALK)
FLEISCHER: — watches this.
GUTFELD: What do you — aren’t — you got to respect Spotify. They don’t — they’re sticking by and I think — it’s actually — I think that Neil Young has since kind of backed away because he saw that was stupid.
BENSON: Well, also, I don’t think that an open letter is how you actually achieve the goal. It’s more of a signal. Hey, everyone, this is what I believe, but he has no intention of actually happening. And of course, Spotify is going to stand behind Rogan. I shouldn’t say of course, in our crazy times, but it’s a good business decision for them. I think we can all agree.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: Also I was hoping you would do the rest of the segment in that accent. I was — I was transfixed by that.
GUTFELD: I don’t know where I was going with that. I was trying to do somebody from the 1800s and then I just immediately just went into some kind of cocky British thing. I’m not necessarily known for my accent — my accents. I’m more of improv guy, Tyres.
TYRUS: OK. I’m not touching now. That’s a bear trap.
GUTFELD: It is a bear trap. Yes, I wish I had a bear trap.
TIMPF: There you go.
TYRUS: There we go.
GUTFELD: You know what a bear trap is? It’s my apartment.
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Yes, there you go. All right.
GUTFELD: Come in, they never leave. They never leave.
FLEISCHER: So that’s your type.
GUTFELD: Yes. The only problem is the (INAUDIBLE)
TYRUS: Thank you for encouraging him you stupid son of a bitch.
GUTFELD: Trying to get those — I got to use a lot of drain on those clogs.
TYRUS: Can we go to commercial?
GUTFELD: Yes. Up next. Does a mask mandate get excused when you compare them to children’s shoe?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: A judge says, get your masks out of our schools while face covering Karen’s keep acting like fools. So, could a civil war be brewing over a mask mandate ruling? Two years into the eternal emergency that is the COVID, COVID pandemic. It appears things are coming to a head regarding masks, and not the leather ones Pete Hegseth sells out of his office. Great craftsmanship. My tongue gets stuck in the zipper.
TYRUS: Not going there.
GUTFELD: On Monday, a Long Island judge ruled against Governor Kathy — how do you say her name? Hochul? Whatever. Her massive mandate for businesses and schools, but she quickly filed an appeal and today a judge granted a stay in the state’s lawsuit meaning the mandate remains in place. Schools have to enforce it. That sucks.
These New York governors, the last one couldn’t keep his hands off your body. Now, this one wants to touch your face. Last week, Hochul, whose eyebrows are really intense, made a mass comparison that made zero sense.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOV. KATHY HOCHUL (D-NY): My daughter had a meltdown over having to put sneakers on to go to kindergarten. She got used to wearing sneakers in school. They just, they adapt better than adults do.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: The moral, kindergarteners are stupid. What a terrible analogy? So, wearing masks is like putting on sneakers? Well, unless you’re tying sneakers over your nose and mouth, this analogy blows. Speaking of masks and things that make no sense, Virginia School Districts are suing Governor Younkin over his executive order that makes them optional in schools. But finally, a TikTok video, aren’t they all? Reportedly showing two ladies moonlighting as the mask police and in elevator.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Get out.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Get out.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Get out.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What are you guys doing?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Get out.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What are you guys doing?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What is wrong with you?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Get out. Don’t touch me. Do not touch me.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Did you just hit me? Did you just hit me?
(INAUDIBLE)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Stop, stop — I don’t know you. You, you need to stop. I’m not getting out.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I don’t know what that is. But my favorite part was when they start — the women started saying, Black Lives Matter, because they hit guy and then they freaked out.
This has been, this — that one video has made the entire COVID pandemic worth it. I drooled. Again, what is my drooling problem today? Or my entire life?
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Most days recently.
TYRUS: You need to wear a mask.
GUTFELD: I need to wear a mask.
TYRUS: It’s a slow.
GUTFELD: It’s COVID.
TYRUS: Yes — I believe we discussed this.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes — we had the —
TYRUS: Bias. I guess, I’m assuming I’m the leading official I guess you’ve got to me on this one. You know those, I think those are the two old ladies this country that don’t love me.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: It’s — that’s paranoia in a nutshell. They, they’re, there but they’re woke.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: So, I can hit you but I, you know, Black Lives Matter, but apparently not his.
GUTFELD: Right.
TYRUS: Because you’re trying to Molly Whop in the elevator for not wearing a mask?
GUY BENSON, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Can we put that video in the Smithsonian, as a representation of where we are as a society?
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: Because they are all filming each other, which is perfect. All right. And then there’s also mirrors. There’s just cameras everywhere and phones. Then the woman to make her point even more angrily brings out her master for a second and then realizes like oh wait, I’m the one who needs to always where the mask, so it comes back up. She hits him and then accuses him of doing it even though it’s all on like five cameras.
GUTFELD: Right.
BENSON: And then out of nowhere, when they have no more real estate they just start chanting black lives. At the guy who I think was black.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
BENSON: So, it was, it was spectacular.
GUTFELD: Yes, it was like, I think when they saw them being filmed, they thought that, that that sang the chant would somehow save them for going viral. Wouldn’t regardless of the fact that they’re acting absolutely crazy. All right. All right. Am I nuts? We never know what starts, can a mask actually create civil unrest? Because I feel like, like, I got to credit Tom Shillue. Two years ago, when all this crap started, he said it was going to come down to the masks.
And he said that two years ago, and I’m beginning to think that like when you see like — I’m, no one’s going to tell me to put on a mask anymore. I’m never putting on another mask. I will not go to your restaurant. I’m not will not go to your store. February 1st (BLEEP) is over. I’m going and getting on with my life. The science is done following the science by not wearing a mask, putting masks on kids is (BLEEP). Sorry.
TYRUS: No, but you’re right.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: She made the joke about the shoes. But shoes won’t stop you from learning. You can’t see right movements and expressions. Yes, and pronunciations. So yes, yes, it is choosing that don’t matter. But here’s the thing the mask is for you. It’s a choice. Just like the vaccine. I got the vaccine, I got the boost, and I still got the damn thing. So, but what does it do? It protects me. It’s just like if you smoke cigarettes every day, and I don’t wear a mask every day we both are taking or whatever situation we are into. So, it doesn’t help anyone else.
ARI FLEISCHER, FORMER WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: I got yelled at today.
GUTFELD: Yes?
FLEISCHER: I was in a building, and I was celebrating the district, the New York State judge’s order saying you don’t have to wear the mask before the state came down. I wasn’t where — actually I forgot, but I wasn’t wearing my mask. And this old guy came right up to me goes and it was if the guy was patrolling.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: he likes to do our looks around and he got his jollies out of finding somebody he could try.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
FLEISCHER: And you know, out of guilt, I put my mask on.
GUTFELD: You should have thrown it in his face, Ari. But you’re, you’re a world-famous celebrity. So, that would go viral.
FLEISCHER: No, if I was wearing my mask. He wouldn’t know who I was actually. But you know, I remember when bricks Dr. Bricks —
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: In the Trump administration when people first start to wear masks, he said even a little cloth mask even a scarf.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: — is good for you. And now we’re reading about cloth masks don’t make a difference. This is what drives me crazy. What’s right, what’s wrong? Stop changing it. None of us know.
GUTFELD: But I think we, I think we have to keep changing because the facts change. But I think now we know it’s done, you know, Kat, can I, can I mention a little theory that Scott Adams has?
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: OK. He believes that pretty privilege is the answer to this that once really hot women remove their masks, nobody ever tells a hot women not to do anything. That they’re the ones that have to lead the way. It’s kind of like when a when a woman at a baseball stadium starts disrobing — people cheer.
BENSON: It’s like or honey potting.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: COVID.
GUTFELD: Right. Yes, that’s right. What do you make of that?
TIMPF: That’s not true, because people have told me I can’t do things and I’m really, really good-looking. So, I don’t know if that’s entirely true. The part that I’m really good looking is true. But uh, no, I the best part of that video though, was when she pulled her mask down. Yes, because what was happening was she was trying to get a point across and she was unable to Yes, she’s she was realizing acknowledging Oh, with my facial expression, right, I can better get my point across. Which again, it’s so horrible. We’re literally like we’re sacrificing children.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Like, I mean, it’s not like we don’t know that it negatively impacts kids. We know that it does negatively impact kids, and you know a lot of them they can’t even use the mask properly like a 2-year-old, like even without a mask like I don’t like they require a lot of like maintenance to keep them alive.
GUTFELD: I hate kids, but I even think this is unfair and I hate — I despise children with every fiber of my being mainly because they’re close to me in height. Coming up, a canceled talk gives us a glimpse of how college admins are total whips.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: “CANCEL PARTY.”
GUTFELD: His talk about leftist violence was shut down in silence. Yes, Antifa threatened him over his stance so darkness surrendered like France. And so fastest threats are empowered by a school that acts like a coward. Journalists Andy Noe’s event at Dartmouth College at bartending correspondence school was cancelled last week after Antifa protested his appearance on campus, which has us wondering, will the school change their nickname from big green to big yellow to match the street down their backs?
Noe, who was invited by Turning Point USA and College Republicans was set to give a talk with ex-Antifa member of Gabriel Nadales, about far-left violence, it was titled extremism in America. So far, so good. We’re all opposed to extremist violence, right? Well, not so fast after the event was announced. Leftist trolls online threatened violence if the school allowed the talk to take place. Bomb squads, police dogs had to do a sweep of the venue before Andy’s arrival.
And since it’s Antifa, they also sniff for body odor. Three of the dogs had to be hospitalized. Ultimately, Dartmouth pulled the plug due to safety concerns, which is the worst excuse I’ve heard since. I can’t go out with you. You’re too attractive. And so, Dartmouth’s commitment to free speech is as strong as Brian Stelter’s commitment to Jenny Craig. Slip that one in there. So, Ari, what do you make of this story?
FLEISCHER: Well, first of all, I got waitlisted when I applied to Dartmouth, and they never told me if I got in or out, and so if they tell me now I’m getting in, I’m not going because of this.
GUTFELD: There you go. There you go. Good for you.
FLEISCHER: I did go to Middlebury and that was a school that attacked Charles Murray.
GUTFELD: That’s right. That’s right.
FLEISCHER: This is everything that’s wrong with this country right now. This is what we were talking about earlier with the ACLU. He has every right to go to that campus and give a speech and this, this practice of the left and shutting down voices they don’t agree with, in uniform and with support of school faculty and school administrators.
GUTFELD: That’s the problem.
FLEISCHER: This is the problem.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: We talk about polarization in our country. This is what drives it when you cut somebody down. Don’t let them come on a college campus.
GUTFELD: You know, Guy, it’s kind of ironic, an event about leftists. It’s so obviously ironic, an event about leftist violence canceled over a threat of leftist violent.
BENSON: Yes, sort of making the point for Andy and proving the thesis of the talk. This is the pure hecklers veto. It is horrible. It incentivizes more of this stuff. And it reminds me just to make this about me. A few years ago, I spoke at Brown.
GUTFELD: Right.
BENSON: Which is a very far left Ivy League School, and there was the normal yelling and screaming and they wrote a petition this whole manifesto. They called me homophobic. I was like, who’s going to tell them? They had to bring in police. They had dogs sniffing, they were checking people for guns, like these are Brown students, they don’t have guns. But it ended up being fine. And Brown stood up to the mob and said he’s going to speak we’re protecting free speech. If you’re Dartmouth right now, and you’re getting shown up by Brown on this stuff like what’s going on in Hanover? That’s embarrassing.
GUTFELD: Yes, Kat, you know, he was also beaten up by Antifa. So, this is like, they basically just chose a side.
TIMPF: Yes, but also, I don’t know if they realize it or not, but like, obvious horrible that this happened is horrible that they beaten him up. But he’s got a bigger career because they keep doing this.
GUTFELD: That’s Streisand Effect.
TIMPF: I mean, they, there was one of the Antifa members saying, oh, like I’ll pay you if you beat him up or whatever. That’s what he claimed. It’s like, well, no, he got paid, because of what you guys did. He’s now even more famous and well known for exactly this. So, obviously, it’s a horrible thing. And obviously, not something I condone or him. But you know what? They’re not accomplishing what they think they are.
GUTFELD: Yes. You don’t condone him.
TIMPF: I don’t condone him getting beaten up, no.
GUTFELD: Oh, there you go. I got confused there, Tyrus. Last word to you.
TYRUS: Well, the good news is, is that I’m sure Twitter cancelled their accounts immediately for those you know, threats and stuff. So, that’s a good — at least those guys, they don’t they can’t use social media anymore.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: We’re very positive to that. But, you know, I think for every person regardless of whether you’re whatever your side of the fence you are, if you’re cancelled, you’re not given a voice. Well, I kept thinking about what would be a good show for Saturday nights. It’s the canceled platform. So, if you’re cancelled, come to Fox and you get an hour and you can do your stick. Those that doesn’t come on, they can do their show. They’ll get way more. They will get way more people watching, ratings and stuff. So, not a new thing. Canceled? Give us a call. Do your show.
GUTFELD: I don’t know because that’s Kilmeade’s new hour. I don’t know if he’d be happy about that. I got to tell Kilmeade. Kilmeade, we just canceled your show.
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: I know, it hasn’t started —
TYRUS: But the good news is, once he’s cancelled, he can be a guest.
GUTFELD: There you go.
TYRUS: It all works out.
GUTFELD: Brilliant.
TYRUS: Thank you.
GUTFELD: All right. Up next, Commi-China’s absurd routine editing famous movie scene.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: The first rule of fight club is change the ending and give it a re-dub. Yes, China took a classic from Brad Pitt and turned it into commie bull — B.S. That’s the gist of the censored version of the movie that’s now allowed on China which reverses the ending and has the police averting the anarchist plan, which is believable as the Chinese averting COVID. There are some spoilers ahead. So, if you’ve never seen the movie, hit yourself in the face until you’re unconscious.
Anyway, the Chinese version replaces this ending scene where the narrator and Marla watch buildings explode with a screen showing the words, “The police rapidly figured out the whole plan and arrested all criminals successfully preventing the bomb from exploding.” Well, that’s a happy ending. Why not show Brad Pitt getting run over by a tank in Tiananmen Square. But this is what they did to fight club, imagine what they do to other Brad Pitt movies? Like the all-time classic, “Seven.”
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRAD PITT, ACTOR: When I said I admired you, I meant what I said.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What’s in the box? What’s in the box?
JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Something to remind us of your lovely wife.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What’s in the box?
DEVITO: Oh, oh my gosh.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Blueberry muffins. Gluten free? My wife is going to love these. She’s alive and her head’s attached to her body.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I think they made the movie better, Guy, what do you think?
BENSON: Fabulous.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: Oscar bait. I personally enjoyed the Chinese version of Shawshank Redemption really. Their (INAUDIBLE) frame in red are arrested on the beach.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BENSON: And then shipped off to a slave labor camp because the warden was the good guy as we all know.
GUTFELD: That’s, that’s, that is such — how do I say it?
TIMPF: We got it.
GUTFELD: Yes, thank you. How can you approve on “Seven’s” ending when you decapitate Gwyneth Paltrow? Sorry, guys.
TIMPF: I’m not touching that. Look, you can’t, I mean, also, it’s a movie. You know, it’s so hard to like foil the government in real life. It’s always only ever happens in my imagination. But you know, I think don’t you think — people would realize that’s not that like, a lot of movies ending like that, just like words on the screen in China?
GUTFELD: I hope so.
TIMPF: Wouldn’t you watch enough of them and be like, there’s got to be more.
GUTFELD: Movies or too long. Do that right in the middle of a Bond film, I’ll be so happy. The last Bond, Bond films are just too long. My butt goes numb. I have to like keep stopping it because I got to do some stuff. I start thinking about things, Tyrus. I’ve bet film companies won’t care as long as they get money, right?
TYRUS: Oh, absolutely. But here’s the thing. This is what China does. China’s being honest.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: I think the what we should be looking at is how we’re starting to be a lot more like China in the last segment. If you say the wrong thing, you can’t perform, they change the ending of movies, they change. You can’t do this, if you that, you know, there was somebody was getting in trouble because they had a Cuban playing a West Side, West side story. So, we’re seeing it in America, but they’re like — look what China’s doing. You’re doing the same thing.
We don’t have Tiananmen Square. We have Twitter. So, they’ll burn your books, your ideas, your dreams, or anything you do. It’s literally a mirror of what’s starting to happen here. China has always been that way. So, we can’t be shocked. But we shouldn’t be shocked at the fact that how many people they’ll say how I’m terrible that is but then they’ll go on Twitter and say cancel cat because she disagrees with me on something.
GUTFELD: That’s a fair point, you know because it’s not going to change anybody’s minds who are making money, right? It’s not like the NBA cares. It’s not like — and China’s just, this is what we do. Screw you. And America then pretends to be high and mighty, but we aren’t.
FLEISCHER: And it’s even worse than that. There are a huge section of Shanghai where you can go there right now. And you can get LL Bean Norstar every type of shirt, shirt, clothes, pocket books that you want, all of it knock off. And the government just lets this stuff happen.
GUTFELD: I can do that in New York, though.
FLEISCHER: Only on limited street corners.
GUTFELD: Yes.
FLEISCHER: There’s a huge section of town. But Colin Powell was there, and on this trip and he looked up his chandelier in his hotel in Beijing, and they literally the microphones are dangling. They didn’t even do a good job tucking them away. And he looked at the microphones and this is only Powell. He’s got the sense of humor. He looks at the mics and goes, testing 1,2,3, testing. That’s what they do.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.
FLEISCHER: That reminds me of my bathrooms back at my ranch. Yes, don’t go away. We’ll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Ari Fleischer, Guy Benson, Kat, Tyrus. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.
Content and Programming Copyright 2022 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2022 VIQ Media Transcription, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of VIQ Media Transcription, Inc. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.
